Where does the need for retreat and peace come from?
Some people use the weekend to meet up with as many people as possible, while for others there’s nothing better than finally being alone for a few days. People sometimes differ very clearly in their need for peace and retreat. Why do some people want to be alone more than others? Research suggests two factors in particular: personality traits such as introversion and living conditions such as middle age.
Introversion is certainly an unsurprising answer. This is because introverted people are more easily stimulated neurally, meaning they are flooded with stimuli more quickly than extraverted people. This often creates a stronger need to compensate for the sensory overload: “I want to be alone today and have peace and quiet from other people.”
Social phobia is sometimes lumped together with introversion. However, social phobia is primarily about the fear of being judged by other people and not about the need for peace and quiet.
In addition to the need for peace and quiet, introverts are of course also characterized by other things, such as a great desire for independence or a strong interpersonal empathy.
After 30, do you think more often: “I want to be alone and have peace and quiet”?
It’s not just introverted people who want to be alone more often and have peace and quiet. Some studies suspect that people have an increased need to be alone, especially in middle age (approx. 35 – 55 years). A possible reason could be that people in the so-called “prime of life” often feel great pressure and many demands from their private and professional environment. Over time, the feeling could arise that you are controlled by others in many areas of life and, above all, that you function for others. One consequence would be, for example, that the desire to be alone and to have peace and quiet grows.
For introverted people, the main thing is to recharge their own energy through rest and retreat. This is often the case with people with high sensitivity . For others, the desire for self-determination may be more central. Of course, there are other reasons why people want to be alone, especially stress-related ones, which we will discuss later.
Why being alone is important
Being alone can be a very positive experience. One of the reasons for this is that being alone can be consciously tailored to your own preferences and interests. We have collected a few reasons why it can be worth wanting to be alone.
1Build competencies
Some people want to be alone to acquire new skills and competencies. Learning something new can be really inspiring. Typical examples include manual and artistic skills, learning a language or trying out new recipes.
2pursue hobbies
Another reason for being alone is to be able to pursue your hobbies in peace. Many people have time-consuming hobbies such as gardening, reading, playing music, drawing, model making, photography or calligraphy. Therefore, they are happy about every free minute in which they are alone so that they can pursue their hobbies.
3Growth and self-care
In recent years, many people have become more aware that self-reflection can help them regularly realign their lives. Many people first get inspiration from podcasts, books or conversations and then go into silence to think about it. For some people, “I want to be alone and have peace” is a good way to create space for growth and self-care.
Going into nature is a good example of how self-care can be combined with being alone. Therefore, for many people, a daily walk is part of their daily routine. You can also find more examples in our article on self-care .
4Balance from everyday life
In our fast-paced world, in which many of us are trying to meet professional and private demands, being alone can often provide much-needed deceleration . An evening without any fixed plans can be used to simply switch off, relax and immerse yourself in another world. Being alone doesn’t have to be complicated: a film on the couch, a good book or a relaxing bath can be enough to recharge your batteries. More exciting psychological reading material? Sign up for the newsletter now: Email*
Wanting to be alone = loneliness?
Wanting to be quiet from other people is not the same as loneliness . The opposite seems to be the case. The current study does not recognize any connection between loneliness and a conscious decision to be alone.
In other words, those who consciously choose to be alone are unlikely to experience feelings of loneliness.
Nevertheless, caution is advised here: Sometimes an increased need for rest can lead to you withdrawing more and more and making it more difficult to return to social life. Then consciously being alone can turn into involuntary loneliness. To prevent this, you can always ask yourself whether time alone is helpful. And then consciously overcome yourself to enter into an exchange with others. Because regular exchange with others is just as important as being alone.
How to balance being alone and being with others
Allein sein zu wollen, hat natürlich seine Grenzen. Vor allem, wenn Familie, Freunde, Partner oder Partnerin gemeinsame Zeit als wichtigste Liebessprache haben. Wir haben daher zwei Tipps für dich, damit du allein sein und die Zeit mit anderen gut ausbalancieren kannst.
1Communicate clearly when you want to be left alone
As is often the case, the golden rule is: you should communicate your (rest) needs. When you communicate using “I” messages, it is easier for the other person to assume that you want to be alone. For example, replace “You suffocate me with your presence. You have to leave me alone so I can sort out my thoughts” with the sentence: “I’ve noticed that lately I need a little more peace and quiet to sort out my thoughts.”
People often overestimate how much others know about their needs. You should therefore not assume that the person you are talking to knows exactly when and how much rest you need. It’s worth expressing your need for rest clearly but with appreciation .
2Consciously plan time with other people
Some people are good at setting boundaries to create time for themselves. What is often not so easy for them is to be the person who suggests a business venture. This has a big advantage: you know when you have energy and can consciously enjoy friendships or time with your family. So when you feel that your social batteries are charged, consciously take the first step towards the other person and suggest a meeting.
Help, I just want to be left alone from other people!
If “I want to be alone and have peace” becomes a constant state and you don’t normally have this need so strongly, an increased stress level could also be a possible cause. If symptoms such as frequent irritability, listlessness and low mood are added to social withdrawal , there could also be a psychological illness behind it – for example depression or burnout . If you experience being alone as a burden, feel overwhelmed, listless or lonely, it is advisable to seek support and possibly professional help.
Are you experiencing signs of burnout and feeling overloaded or burnt out inside? Then you can now receive effective psychological help for stress and burnout with the HelloBetter online therapy course . You can simply have the therapy course prescribed for you – free of charge, without waiting time and from the comfort of your own home.
8 may 2019